Sunday, August 20, 2006
Life is a peephole
There are some positive aspects to having cancer. It creates a sense of urgency to look more deeply at things that tend to slip out of our awareness in "normal" living. In attempting to answer the questions it invariably raises, there is an opportunity to explore the spiritual component of one's existence. I've had time to delve into the topic of spirituality, in conversation, e-mails, and most of all, by reading and journaling. Since we can only understand the world as we relate to it on an individual level, it makes sense to spend time tuning inward.
A friend gave me the book "Life of Pi", which I highly recommend both for its philosophy and entertainment value. The book is very much about religion and spirituality, and the author,Yann Martel, expresses a sentiment that I had been feeling but not put into words.
Pi is in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean after losing his family, looking out at the sheer vastness of the dark night sky with brilliant stars and feeling the volume of air above and water around and beneath him. "For the first time I noticed... that my suffering was taking place in a grand setting. I saw my suffering for what it was, finite and insignificant, and I was still. My suffering did not fit anywhere, I realized. And I could accept this. It was all right. (It was daylight that brought my protest: "No!No!No! my suffering does matter. I want to live! I can't help but mix my life with that of the universe. Life is a peephole, a single tiny entry onto a vastness-how can I not dwell on this brief, cramped view I have of things? This peephole is all I've got!").
So yes, I work daily to turn inward and understand my connection to the vastness of the universe and the higher power that is responsible for all that we see and are. And yes, I strive each day to be at peace with God's plan for me. And yet striving to feel at one with this universal consciousness does not mean that I don't also struggle to do everything I can to continue my existence, my tiny peephole from which I can appreciate the physical wonders of this world.
A friend gave me the book "Life of Pi", which I highly recommend both for its philosophy and entertainment value. The book is very much about religion and spirituality, and the author,Yann Martel, expresses a sentiment that I had been feeling but not put into words.
Pi is in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean after losing his family, looking out at the sheer vastness of the dark night sky with brilliant stars and feeling the volume of air above and water around and beneath him. "For the first time I noticed... that my suffering was taking place in a grand setting. I saw my suffering for what it was, finite and insignificant, and I was still. My suffering did not fit anywhere, I realized. And I could accept this. It was all right. (It was daylight that brought my protest: "No!No!No! my suffering does matter. I want to live! I can't help but mix my life with that of the universe. Life is a peephole, a single tiny entry onto a vastness-how can I not dwell on this brief, cramped view I have of things? This peephole is all I've got!").
So yes, I work daily to turn inward and understand my connection to the vastness of the universe and the higher power that is responsible for all that we see and are. And yes, I strive each day to be at peace with God's plan for me. And yet striving to feel at one with this universal consciousness does not mean that I don't also struggle to do everything I can to continue my existence, my tiny peephole from which I can appreciate the physical wonders of this world.
